Can anyone guess what’s behind that door? I wish this was the Price is Right, because then it could be something cool like a new car. But alas. Behind that door is THE MOTHER F*CKING LAUNDRY ROOM. That shiny, round brass thing is tricky, so I can see why nobody attempts to use it. But this is my life. A pile of clothes left just outside the room where it goes to get washed. Sigh.
On this splendid Friday after I’ve endured a headache for 3 straight days, I think I’ll post my list of things that make me want to pound margaritas at 9:15AM on a Tuesday.
1. The Kitchen Rag Surprise. Hey Mom, I just wiped a giant blob of tomato sauce off the counter! I’ll just neatly fold the rag and put it back on the sink so that when you go to wipe something, you get a gooey blog of crap on your hands.
2. So Close. Not only does laundry pile up at the door of the laundry room, it also piles up NEXT to the laundry basket. Next to it.
3. Just Taking What I need. I’ve come to realize that some people believe the dryer is a dresser with a light.
4. Never Use the Last of Anything. So Sweetie, while I was sitting here pooping, I realized that I don’t want to take the time to replace the roll of toilet paper. I’ll just leave 4 squares on this one, and start a new one on the counter. You change it when you get a chance, m’kay?
5. This Will be Used Again. Eventually. I think Mom’s planning on using the stove at some point in the next week. No need to clean up the bacon splatter when it’s just gonna get messy again!
6. Follow the Leader. Wait, there’s a fork in the sink? The dishwasher must have been stolen! Put all your dirty dishes in the sink!
7. I didn’t Hear You. You mean to tell me that you can hear the Jimmy John’s driver turning onto our street, but you couldn’t hear me screaming your name up the stairs 17 times?
8. The Forever Borrow. Gee, where did my black Lululemon top go? Oh, it’s still in Katelyn’s possession. She asked to borrow it a year ago.
9. Now? I love asking for help with something and the response I get is “now?”. Nah, let’s wait until June to tackle unloading the dishwasher. Better yet, just let someone steal it with the dishes inside.
10. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. If I’m sitting at the kitchen counter drinking coffee and you have to ask me a question, you can simply…..ASK THE QUESTION. There’s no need to say, “Mom? Mom? Mom?”, and wait for me to say, “yes?”. JUST SPEAK. Or maybe I just didn’t hear you. Who knows.
Fortunately for me, usually only 4 of the things on this list happen in the same day. So I’m good.