Ahem. So here they are:
1. People stop offering you pregnancy advice, because you’ve doubled down on the number of pregnancies most women endure.
2. I know how to handle stupid questions. “So will this be the last one?” “I don’t think so. Wouldn’t half a dozen kids look so much better on our Christmas cards?”
3. I don’t give a rats ass if I am already “showing”. No need to squish myself into my jeans for the sake of trying to not look pregnant. I bought a 3-pack of XL leggings from Meijer about 4 weeks ago.
4. I have 3 other little people who get to be amazed by my growing belly. Really, what I mean is, I’m so goddamn busy that time is flying by!
5. My midwife doesn’t even want to see me for like 6 more weeks. I’m an old pro.
6. I know how to work the system. People will go out of their way to help a pregnant lady. I exploit them constantly.
7. I can pretty much make up any pregnancy rule I see fit, and people will believe me. “Oh, I actually can’t unload the dishwasher. All that trunk flexion puts too much strain on my uterus.”
In all seriousness, I love being pregnant. Sure, I could do without the constant nausea, diarrhea, fatigue, back zits and bloating. But hey. I’m a beautiful vessel of life who can’t unload the dishwasher, remember?