WIN. Today, the babies won. They beat me. Broke me down. I feel completely drained. Where normally I’m filled with a lightness, tonight I feel heavy. I feel like today I was a complete failure as a Mother. Brady is going through what can only be described as the NO phase. He’ll spend an hour or two just repeatedly screaming “NO!” at the top of his lungs every 15 seconds. Nothing helps. His little brain gets stuck. He knows he’s mad, but he just can’t process it beyond “NO!!!!”.
YELL. I yelled when I should have stayed calm. I gave time outs when I should have listened. I impatiently dragged him up to his room and plopped him in his crib. I decided it was better to listen to crying than to listen to him screaming “NO!”. But I was wrong. It wasn’t better, it was much much worse.
HEART. And after nearly 12 hours of refusing to nap, stepping on his sister, hitting the dog, and throwing every toy in the house over the railing to hear it go smash, I couldn’t even make eye contact with him anymore. I was so mad at his behavior that I sent him up to bed with his Daddy and told him I’d THINK about whether or not I was going to give him a kiss goodnight. Because that’s the grown-up thing to do, right?
KISS. Well I went into his room after picking up toys for 45 minutes, still feeling the anger in my chest. And as I opened his bedroom door he said in the tiniest voice ever, “Mommy wuvs Brady? Mommy give kisses?”. All there was left to do was cry. I picked him up out of his crib and held my big 3 year old boy in my arms and cried. Yes, Mommy loves you. Thank you for always loving me, even when I’m not having a very good Mommy day.