BOAT. You know that part in Jaws when the main character stares in horror at the water and says, “we’re going to need a bigger boat”? That’s me right now. Minus the cigarette in my mouth. It isn’t like I didn’t realize this was coming. I have known all along that tiny humans require insane amounts of stuff. It’s just a tad overwhelming now that it’s all in my family room. I am extremely blessed to have so many friends and family members who have given me their collection of tiny pink clothes! I’d love nothing more than to organize it into a dresser or closet so that my future princess can enjoy an amazing wardrobe….but I have no where to put it! “Sweetie, can you grab me a clean pair of pajamas? They’re in the 4th black garbage bag from the left.”
CRIB. Thanks to my Mom and sister, I am now the proud owner of a co-sleeper. This handy little contraption is a cross between a mini pack and play and the Starship Enterprise. I put it together the other day and found myself a little puzzled. Generally I have a policy about reading directions….I try not to do it that often. But once I got this thing set up, I couldn’t help but wonder what all these extra straps, zippers and fancy velcro pieces were for. Turns out this thing can attach to my bed, and be used in about 13 different height positions. Solid. Baby now has a place to sleep.
BALL. I had a small child point at my belly the other day and ask, “you haz a ball in dere?” All I could think was, “OMG, do I really look like I’m smuggling a ball?” People joke about that all the time with pregnant ladies….but that’s REALLY me right now? Jeez.
EXPLAIN. Whenever someone asks my due date, I feel this urge to go into an unnecessarily lengthy explanation. (perhaps it has something to do with the ball smuggling issues) “Well I’m due on September 22nd, but it will probably be closer to September 8th because I always deliver around 37 weeks.” Really? Who cares!? I think the old “when are you due” is just the only question most people know to ask pregnant ladies, I don’t think they ACTUALLY care. Well, that and the old standby “how are you feeling”.
GAIN. My weight has been slowing down. Thank GOD. Considering all I could do for my whole first trimester was eat fucking popsicles and vanilla ice cream, I’m pretty glad I’m on track. With Brady, I delivered weighing about 175lbs, and I’m at about 173 right now. See? I started 7lbs heavier, but I’m going to end up right about the same. I’ll call that a WIN.
OUCH. Know what isn’t winning? The fact that my pregnancy app is telling me that my baby is the size of a pineapple. The whole pregnancy the baby has been compared to smooth, round things and suddenly I’m forced to imagine a pineapple inside me? There’s really nothing more horrible and prickly that could be living inside my uterus. I can’t wait until next week when my baby gets compared to something that doesn’t make my kegel muscles clench when I think about it.