SERIOUSLY. I don’t know how working Moms do it. It’s 2:30PM and I’m still bra-less, my baby is in his pajamas and the dog hasn’t even been fed. No seriously, how. HOW?! I’m 19 weeks pregnant today, and as I contemplate how working Moms get everything done, I’m simultaneously wondering how people with more than one baby get this shit done….I’m picturing a team of nannies wearing all white. They would alternate between singing sweet lullabies to my babies and hanging clothes on the line in the sunshine. A kind of Mary Poppins and Snuggle the Bear hybrid if you will. That’s gotta be the only way….
PERFECT. And then of course everyone has the “perfect Mom friend”. Oh, your dog is perfectly trained, your kids keep their rooms clean without being asked and you’ve never lost a sock in the laundry? Good for you. That’s so nice. Go fuck yourself. In my world you’re the tooth fairy. Or at the very least you’re the skinny bitch who eats gas station donuts every day and complains she can’t gain weight. You’re a fairy tale, a mythological creature. An anomaly. I don’t understand you, or where you come from.
FOR REALZ. The real Moms that I know sometimes go 3 days without washing their hair. (And real friends pretend not to notice) Real Moms count to three, lose their cool, and forget where their car keys are. Real Moms have set coffee on the roof of the car and driven away while talking on the cordless house phone instead of their cell phone. Real Moms run out of time, forget appointments, and don’t always get everything done.
CRAZY. So here I am, surrounded by baskets of laundry nobody wants to fold, tripping over toys while burning dinner, and I’m smiling. It could be that I am finally Tom Cruise crazy, or maybe I’m smiling because I am at peace with the chaos. I know I’m definitely a “real” Mom and not a fairy tale Mom. There might not be a team of nannies here brushing my hair and singing to my babies, but at least I manage to keep all my children alive, fed, and dressed (hey, pajamas count!) AND I keep a good sense of humor about it. So you can keep your perfect dog and your magic eyes that never look puffy….I’m keeping it real. 🙂