HATE. Know what I hate? I hate unhelpful websites. Why even bother publishing your crappy blog if it’s of no use to anyone. Ever. In the whole world. Didn’t you notice that in the entire existence of your blog nobody has ever commented, “thanks for the insight, that was helpful“!? THAT’S BECAUSE YOU SUCK. AND SO DOES YOUR MOM ADVICE.
SEARCH. I’m all fired up this morning after searching the internet for some advice on how to efficiently deal with having a newborn baby and a 2.5 year old. I mean….this isn’t something ground breaking. I’m not the first woman to go through this. Yet all I found were a bunch of Moms blogging about how they didn’t leave the house, brush their teeth, dust, fold laundry or even shower for like 3 months. “Just smile and you’ll get through it” they all say. Know what I say? I say fuck your standards. I’m not willing to just roll over and accept the fact that I can’t have clean hair or wear a bra for half a year. I want it all. Isn’t there a way to maintain my clean house, my sanity as a woman, AND lovingly care for my babies?? There MUST be a way!
CELL PHONE. Know what other advice sucks? The advice that I should “rest now, because you’ll need it later!” what kind of crap is that!? Is my life a cell phone plan where I get roll-over sleep minutes? Only a retard who has never been completely sleep deprived would ever suggest that you can “bank” sleep time. No matter how many naps I take, I’m still going to be tired. It’s just going to happen. Maybe what I should be doing instead, is building up my tolerance to sleep deprivation. I should purposely wake myself up 4 times a night just so my body is used to that pattern when baby #2 arrives. It’s like taking a little bit of poison every day so you are no longer susceptible to it’s toxins.
See? Now THAT could actually be helpful. I will continue my search of the internet, but things are looking pretty abysmal. Should anyone have any advice that might actually prove useful, I’d love to hear it. Oh, but if your advice is crappy I’ll probably throw something at you in the grocery store in a hormone induced rage. (true story)