Over sharing….all the time

CrossFit, Pregnancy, and some other random thoughts

Being Adventurous January 29, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — Jennie Yundt @ 5:51 pm

Pregnant Pole Dancing

FUN. In an effort to keep my life fun and exciting, I signed myself and a friend (Kinsy) up for 

pole dancing lessons. Because nothing screams “sexy sex kitten” more than a pregnant lady doing fireman swings on the pole. I mean, Christina Applegate managed to make it look provocative, so why not me? 

 

WALK. Without a doubt, there is nothing sexy and provocative about the way I walk around a pole. The lady teaching the class does this amazing saunter/walk. She moves more like a cat than a person. I mean, how do you wiggle your butt, sway your hips, drag your foot behind you AND hang onto the pole all in one motion? The physics of that was making my head hurt. My walk did NOT look like hers. It must be all the progesterone making my joints loose or something. 

 

WARNING. Probably my favorite part of class was the two older ladies who were “experienced” pole dance lessons takers. They were telling us that we should “get ready to be sweaty because it’s a REALLY good workout. You’ll probably be sore not tomorrow, but the next day. You have to be like…..really strong to do this stuff. Oh, and we have to do 5 push-ups in our warm-up, but you can do them on your knees.” Fast forward 15 minutes and Kinsy is practically doing clapping push-ups, I’m doing strict push-ups, and everyone is staring at us. Yep. We brought our big girl muscles to the party BITCHES!

 

MEOW. All in all, it was a fun experience. I didn’t learn nearly as many fancy tricks as I was hoping for, but that’s probably a good thing. Too much spinning makes Momma want to puke. I was hoping to channel my inner stealthy puma, but instead I just looked like the crazy cat hissing in the corner. *shrugs* I guess it’s not possible to be good at snatching AND pole dancing. 

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WTF Bacon?! January 28, 2013

Filed under: Pregnancy — Jennie Yundt @ 3:30 pm

Bacon-Toothpaste1SRSLY. Ok Bacon, seriously? I thought we were friends. I’ve been loyal to you all my life. Ask anyone who knows me and they’ll tell you. “Jennie adores bacon. Bacon is her favorite breakfast meat.” Know what else I say? I say fuck sausage. It’s so inferior to Bacon. When it comes to crowning a king of meat, I bow only to bacon. Until last night.

SMELL. Bill, who is clearly running for husband of the year, cooked me some fancy french chicken dish last night. There was delicious tidbits of bacon, and then you browned the chicken in the bacon grease. HEAVEN! Only problem was as soon as the bacon hit the pan I thought I was going to puke. Really BACON?! You’re gonna do me like THAT!? Here I am, minding my own business, trying to grown a human being inside me, and you have to go making me nauseous. Not fair Bacon. You fight dirty.

GIRL. In addition to the fact that my house has to break up with bacon until further notice, I also think I’m  having another girl. With Brady I never had any morning sickness and barely any nausea. With Katelyn I was the sickest human being on the planet. I threw up in almost every imaginable place for about 4 months. And now, here I am, spending my days feeling like I just rode the Gravitron 11 times consecutively after eating a metric shit ton of funnel cakes. *gulp*

 

Buried Alive January 25, 2013

Filed under: Pregnancy — Jennie Yundt @ 1:05 pm

ImageTHE STUFF. One of the things that drove me nuts about having a teeny tiny human being was the fact that they required SO MUCH STUFF. I mean….the baby weighs 7lbs. How is it that he requires 17 different contraptions to sit in, a special bath tub, dangley things to hang over his face for stimulation, 88 things that squeak, 557 things that have blinky lights, and 7 bins of clothes?? Every time I tried leaving my house I found myself wishing I had a mule to help carry some of the stuff. There was the diaper bag, the travel swing, the pack N play and the stupid cart scrunchie that took longer to get on the cart than it did to shop. Is my life like the Luvs commercial? Was I a typical “first time Mom” even though Brady was technically my 2nd child? I must have been. Damn that was a lot of stuff. 

DEJAVU. So now that another tiny human being is growing inside me, all that stuff has to come back. Would you believe that I gave all my baby stuff away? Some of it I sold, but most of it got given away or returned to its original owners. How stupid was THAT!? Every time a piece of baby gear left my home I celebrated. I waived goodbye to it with happy tears in my eyes because I CAN’T STAND LOOKING AT IT. I have a small house without lots of extra room for an army of baby gear. Granted, there’s room for my decorative clock collection, my hand painted pots, and a king’s ransom worth of Lululemon….but there ISN’T extra space for swings and exersaucers! ARGH! Add to that the fact that every spare inch of space is currently being used to store Brady’s toys, and now we have a recipe for disaster. My house might actually start listing sideways from the sheer weight of tiny human being gear. 

PACKING LIGHT. This time around, I’m going to be streamlined. I’m only going to have the bare minimum. I mean….babies can just take a bath in the sink, right? Or maybe I could just use a pack of wipes on him? I dunno. And an exersaucer? Really? You don’t need that either. You have an older brother who is capable of bringing you toys that are fun and amazing, so you shouldn’t need a device to help keep them at your finger tips. Psh. Don’t be lazy, BABY. And I might not even bring a diaper bag with me anymore. Oh, you’re poopey? Well tough beans. That’ll teach you to regulate your bowel movements for times when Mommy is at HOME. Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. 

 

Unhelpful January 24, 2013

Filed under: Pregnancy — Jennie Yundt @ 12:32 pm

ImageHATE. Know what I hate? I hate unhelpful websites. Why even bother publishing your crappy blog if it’s of no use to anyone. Ever. In the whole world. Didn’t you notice that in the entire existence of your blog nobody has ever commented, “thanks for the insight, that was helpful“!? THAT’S BECAUSE YOU SUCK. AND SO DOES YOUR MOM ADVICE.

 

SEARCH. I’m all fired up this morning after searching the internet for some advice on how to efficiently deal with having a newborn baby and a 2.5 year old. I mean….this isn’t something ground breaking. I’m not the first woman to go through this. Yet all I found were a bunch of Moms blogging about how they didn’t leave the house, brush their teeth, dust, fold laundry or even shower for like 3 months. “Just smile and you’ll get through it” they all say. Know what I say? I say fuck your standards. I’m not willing to just roll over and accept the fact that I can’t have clean hair or wear a bra for half a year. I want it all. Isn’t there a way to maintain my clean house, my sanity as a woman, AND lovingly care for my babies?? There MUST be a way!

 

CELL PHONE. Know what other advice sucks? The advice that I should “rest now, because you’ll need it later!” what kind of crap is that!? Is my life a cell phone plan where I get roll-over sleep minutes? Only a retard who has never been completely sleep deprived would ever suggest that you can “bank” sleep time. No matter how many naps I take, I’m still going to be tired. It’s just going to happen. Maybe what I should be doing instead, is building up my tolerance to sleep deprivation. I should purposely wake myself up 4 times a night just so my body is used to that pattern when baby #2 arrives. It’s like taking a little bit of poison every day so you are no longer susceptible to it’s toxins. 

 

See? Now THAT could actually be helpful. I will continue my search of the internet, but things are looking pretty abysmal. Should anyone have any advice that might actually prove useful, I’d love to hear it. Oh, but if your advice is crappy I’ll probably throw something at you in the grocery store in a hormone induced rage. (true story) 

 

It happened….again. January 23, 2013

Filed under: Pregnancy — Jennie Yundt @ 1:34 pm

Sexy socks babyTHIRD TIME’S A CHARM. I’m thinking about renaming this blog – “doing CrossFit while pregnant”. Three home pregnancy tests can be wrong, can’t they? DAMMIT! Just when I was starting to get back in the gym regularly and really get after it, I’m pregnant again. AGAIN. In the good news department, I’ll have the strength of Bill’s Baby for the 2013 Open. In case you don’t remember, I was strong. REALLY STRONG the last time I was pregnant.

BIKINI. I’m not due until September 22nd-ish, so that means I’m going to be pregnant all summer. I plan on wearing my regular bathing suit too. Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I just refuse to spend $55 on a maternity bathing suit. Why would I pay REAL MONEY for something that looks ridiculous, and I would actually dread wearing? At least if I have on my real bathing suit, I can be entertained by people’s reactions.

SIGH. It’s not that I don’t love my kids. They’re amazing. They’re the light of my life. It’s just….I dunno. I wasn’t really convinced I wanted more kids. Then again, I wasn’t really convinced I DIDN’T want more kids either. I wanted visible abs again. I wanted to be a badass in the gym again. I wanted to sleep through the night consistently for the rest of my life. Does that make me an asshole? Probably…but who cares. Baby #3 is on the way, and there’s no going back. Time to get fucking excited about it!

BREAKING THE NEWS. The last time we told the teenager we were pregnant she told me “I hope the baby comes out all deformed and smashy!” Here was how the conversation went this time around:

Me: “Guess what? You’re going to be a big sister again!” (HUGE SMILE)

Teenager: “You should just have an abortion! I hate babies! I’m going to stab the baby in the face!”

Me: “Well then the baby’s going to be bleeding AND crying. That would be WAY worse.”

Teenager: “No, I’ll stab it until it DIES.”

Me: (no response) (crickets chirping)

I mean….WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT!? The only response I could think of was to drive her to my Mom’s house. That’s how it works in my world. I break her, and my Mom fixes her back into a nice human being again. Sigh. At least she confessed to my Mom that she hopes it’s a girl. Bad news though….Bill and I are both hoping for another boy! 🙂